Hidden Non-Negotiables . . .
When you are dating someone, you are still in the process of getting to know the other person. There can be little hidden treasures like he or she volunteers at a homeless shelter, and there can be some things you wish you didn’t know about them, like they don’t close the bathroom door when peeing. In every relationship, there are going to be some negative aspects about the other person, but it is especially upsetting when you find out the person does something that is a non-negotiable to you. A non-negotiable is something (quality, trait, action, etc.) the other person does that you are not willing to compromise on. Maybe the person smokes, is a picky eater, has a child, currently has a boyfriend or girlfriend, etc. There are varying levels and they are different for everyone. But one thing is clear: once you find the non-negotiable in the person you are dating, it is time to break up.
New Job, New City
Your boyfriend or girlfriend just received a fantastic job offer! What’s the problem? It is in a different country. You are perfectly happy where you are – nice job, close to your family and it (used to be) close to your significant other. Now they are leaving to pursue their dreams. You are happy for them, but you are sadder that they didn’t choose to stay with you. It is hard because you still love them and it is just distance that is going to pull you apart.
Not A Fan Of The Family
Let’s say you are meeting your significant other’s parents for the first time, it could even be a weekend. You get there, you meet them, and . . . you hate them. It could be for reasons as shallow as their decorating tastes or as serious as their political views. Whatever your reasons are, you just can’t see yourself choosing to look past these issues. But if your special someone is worth the suffering, and they’ve got to be really worth it, because when you are dating someone you date their family, too, then try your best to see their best. There is good in everyone, even if it’s hard to find.
Someone Is Not Ready To Commit
It could be you or your significant other, but if someone doesn’t want to commit, you are both in for a bumpy ride. You would probably be ready to commit if you had a little more time; you just can’t seem to do it right now. All kinds of awkwardness will ensue in your relationship because you think the other person doesn’t like you enough to want to be with you, or vice verse. You (as a couple) have two options: break up because one of you isn’t ready to be serious, or take a leap of faith by showing your commitment to someone. It may not be that you are going to get married tomorrow, but showing some sign of devotion will reassure both of you if you want to keep your relationship intact.
He Has Wandering Eyes, She Is A Little Too Flirty
While you are eating outside at a café with your boyfriend, an attractive woman wearing a short skirt walks by. Mid-sentence, your boyfriend stops talking and stares at the woman’s legs as she casually breezes by you. If this is your boyfriend, you are in one of the worst case relationship scenarios. He is always watching other women, aka NOT you. The comparable situation for men is when your girlfriend can get a little too flirty with other guys. A little red flag should go off in your mind when you notice your friends are taking a little too much to your girlfriend. Unfortunately these qualities are part of who that person is, so if you can’t live with it, it is time to get on with your life.
If you’ve ever experienced this unfortunate situation, then you will undoubtedly be able to relate to the following scenario: your girl or guy snores! Although this may seem like not too big of a deal at first, after weeks or months of sleepless nights due to that lawn mower you’re sleeping next to, you may begin to question if the relationship is going to work. If it is really, truly bothering you, try to do something productive about it instead of slamming him or her in the face with a pillow every night. Earplugs or breathing strips could completely fix this seemingly unfixable situation.
When Caring Takes A Wrong Turn
If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you typically like to know what they are doing during the course of their day, because you care about them. This quality turns into a problem when your significant other is just constantly suspicious of you. If there is a legitimate concern, then by all means, ask away. But when someone you love is constantly accusing you of lying or not telling them the whole truth, you have a serious problem in your relationship. Don’t justify it by saying they just care about what you are doing; no, they don’t trust what you are doing.
Change Of Heart
You’ve been dating someone for a couple months and it dawns on you- I don’t think I feel as strongly as I thought I did for this person anymore. This realization probably hits guys and girls a lot more often than we realize, but they stay with the person out of fear that they will a.) hurt their feelings, b.) not be able to find anyone better or c.) be lonely without them. The thing is, your gut feeling is almost always right, and the longer you wait to cut the cord, the more it will hurt both of you in the long run. I feel like I should tell you all to give it some time and explain how you are feeling to your guy or girl, but the thing is, if you know deep down it’s not right, then it’s not. Case closed.
Trouble With Children
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been dating for three months or three years, the topic of kids is probably on at least one of your minds. Rarely do couples see completely eye to eye when it comes it how many kids, names, or if having kids is even an option. For instance, she wants four girls all named after the Spice Girls and he wants eight boys named after Star Wars characters. Ok maybe that’s a little too far, but you can see where we are going with this. The only piece of advice that can work with this heavy subject is compromise. He wants two and you want one? Have one and a half . . . just kidding.
Work With Their Quirks
Everyone has weird quirks, but some are just too weird to live with. A lot of things could fall into this category, but I’ll just give a few examples that some of you may be able to relate to. They’re a health nut…and you are absolutely not. They like to stay in and watch episode after episode of Grey’s Anatomy, and you would rather punch yourself in the face. They like to get up at the crack of dawn and go for a run, and you are completely satisfied when you take the stairs instead of the escalator to get to Pizza Hut. The lesson to learn from all of this is that everyone has their own little, peculiar things they do. Just look at them as an opportunity to become more patient and tolerant of your partner.