Belle de Bruxelles explains why a luxury flight is the only place to join the ‘Mile High Club’.
Illicit encounters are the spice of life but the idea of making out on a plane leaves Belle rather puzzled. Why, on God’s earth (or in his sky), would anyone want to spend longer than the call of nature demands in one of those teeny, cramped, stinky spaces of a bathroom? And as for the reality of being caught at your seat by a flight attendant? Spare me such blushes.
While the internet is crammed with tales of people who claim to have joined this exclusive club, one wonders whether this is the classiest way to while away those hours. For sure, we’ve all stood in the check-in queue and espied a dashing stranger. Perhaps there was a frisson of recognition of more to come that passed between us. But the reality of the awkwardness that would ensue? No, thank you.
Belle likes to think of her job as being to make you dream but those dreams should be just about tangible in the hope that you can one day translate them into reality. That being said, when it comes to our love lives, we should indeed be reaching for the stars so if consummating passion on a plane is your dream, then at least consider how to make it an experience to remember for the right reasons.
WE’RE IN ECONOMY, STUPID
There’s no denying that riding in coach – unfortunately what most of us end up doing in these days of high fuel prices – has to be the least romantic way to spend a plane journey. You are more likely to be scrunched up rather than snuggled up to your loved one or possibly that handsome stranger in the queue. Even with the best of intentions, amorous aspirations become as limp as the airline salad.
Turning up the heat might seem like an ideal way to get through the journey and, with enough passion, who would care about their immediate environment? But remember, that everything is good in moderation certainly applies here. Flirt to your heart’s content, gaze into each other’s eyes, play footsie but save the rest for after you land.
An acquaintance has a fabulous story about a business trip. Even in these days of austerity she managed to persuade her company to pay a business-class ticket, giving her the opportunity to travel in style and get chatting to the hot gentleman in the next seat. Turning slightly pink, upon interrogation she admitted that after a couple of glasses of champagne, they shared a kiss.
That was cute and all there was to it. Just a romantic encounter on a plane that left her pulse racing and wanting more and didn’t have other passengers heaving in their seats. Another acquaintance’s tale of being caught was just plain embarrassing but then who would have really believed that hiding your antics under an airline blanket was going to work?
Now if all good things come to he or she who waits, then you are in for the ride of your life once you find a more appropriate location. After hours spent travelling and teasing, what could be more luxurious than heading to the nearest fancy hotel, ordering some champagne in the Jacuzzi and attending to unfinished business. That’s my idea of a travel experience to remember.
Still desperate to seal the deal in the sky? Then a private jet is the only way to go. Scotch that horrible image of lavatory lasciviousness and indulge yourself for a few moments in a reverie of luxury: A smooth and hassle-free arrival, ensuring your clothes (smart, of course, for the occasion) and your temperament are rumple-free on departure, and a glass of bubbly perhaps.
As you reach cruising altitude, you can demand all the space and privacy you need to take off more than your seatbelt. Admittedly, you might not get the rush one can have from the sheer naughtiness of it all but there are other reasons why sky-set passion gives a high: something about the vibrations, or even just the sense of achievement.
You’ll also have one up on a couple of celebrity mile-high club members. Airline tycoon and not-so-virginal Richard Branson revealed to the world that he joined the club in the economy toilet of a Los Angeles-bound Freddie Laker flight. Perhaps we can forgive him for succumbing to the temptation since he was only 19 and himself admitted it was “every man’s dream”.
British actor Ralph Fiennes supposedly fared slightly better, at least if the tabloids are anything to go by. He at least made it into the business class lavatory, according to his accomplice, a Qantas cabin crew member (Fiennes has never commented on her ‘confession’). But, as far as Belle is concerned, the only thing classy about this is what is printed on the ticket.