Among these memories, there are happy ones – cherished moments of grace, joy, love and recognition which made us feel alive, recognised and welcomed for who we were and allowed us to grow. In moments like these, we feel at peace with ourselves, everything is just as it should be and we are filled with a sense of inner serenity.
But besides these, we also keep less joyful memories, and our identites are founded on them, just as much as they are built upon the happy ones. And it all begins from the very first seconds of our lives, inside the womb. In fact, events have a greater impact at this stage, since we are all the more vulnerable and receptive to the environment. Indeed, where newborns lack in mental faculties such as reasoning, they more than make up for in feelings and sensations. Their primary source of information resides in the way they are touched, and then the tone in which they are spoken to (the meaning of the words themselves being of course of no consequence to them), as well as the looks they receive, and so forth.
In time, very young children learn that different types of behaviour are either met with love, or with criticism. And since they are unable to think for themselves, and certainly to reflect on their emotions, they inevitably come to the conclusion that the parent is right and that their own way is wrong. Consequently, they’ll adapt their behaviour, even to the point of dishonesty towards themselves, and of repressing certain parts of their being. The most terrible consequence of this subconscious phenomenon is that, completely through their own will and for the sake of love, the child will become at odds with a part of themselves – and suffer all the internal conflict and rejection that will ensue in later life.
This is how, as adults, so many of us struggle to connect with others, because in order to establish our very first relationship – with our parents – we were forced to sacrifice a part of ourselves. Deep down, every adult continues to carry the scar of this first betrayal, which never ceases to taint every other relationship, be it familial, romantic or even professional – unless the adults have made peace with themselves as well as with the parent in question.
But what about these transpersonal memories, which we also referred to as psychological genealogy (a topic which is becoming increasingly popular in all the bookshops)? These consist of everything our ancestors, living or deceased, accumulated in terms of events and beliefs, and which we accept to take upon ourselves. As for the reason we implicitly agree to carry this heavy inheritance, we can point to our tendency, as members of a certain lineage, to do everything in our capacity to fit into it and find our place within the group. To reject a belief that has been passed down through several generations is, in a way, to exclude ourselves from the family in which we happen to be born.
And in the collective unconscious, to leave the group is to die, since no one can possibly hope to survive on their own, without roots or close relatives. More often than not, this heritage has negative consequences on our own personal development, since it forces us to adopt behaviours and viewpoints that clash with our nature. We live for others, not for ourselves or in accordance with our Self. I have hopefully made a clear and concise summary of what constitutes the subconscious part of our inner vibration. Now, the reader might be internally asking the next crucial question: how do we access this subconscious, and how to we work on it?
This is the point we will tackle next month. Before then, I would like to remind the reader that all personal development demands a great deal of courage. Particularly in this case, as we will have to return to those painful moments we swore to put aside forever. But it will also require humility, inasmuch as we will have to let go of our egos and all the certainties on which we built our identities, in order to open up to unchartered territories within ourselves – places full of magic, mystery and strength.
Axel Trinh Cong – medium and therapist – alignment body – mind – soul – constellations – tarot – soul messages
