Sarbani Sen opened a book about personal relationships that changed her thinking.
Let me share an excerpt of this amazing book on men, on relationships and marriage: Keys to the Kingdom by Alison Armstrong. It really shifted some of my points of view and allowed me to relax deeply on my perception of how the upcoming age of 50 would affect my husband. We get so much biased information (aka bullshit) about how women get affected by a devastating menopause while our hungry men start hunting for fresh flesh at a certain age.
Here are five keys from the book that will reconcile the vast majority of you Princesses-Queens with your sweet Princes or Kings-to-be.
#1 Don’t take their behaviour personally. Men usually are not doing anything against you – what they do is usually part of their needs. For example: transition time.
Men need a period of 20-30 minutes to adjust to being at home. They have courtesy, love, peace, focus on one thing at a time. Men need time alone to recover from the working week. So as a woman don’t take it as a lack of love when they don’t come running back home to hug you.
#2 Listen listen listen
Men naturally have a strong sense of self but they only reveal themselves, who they really are in very special circumstances. They are always telling us what they need and what they think. Don’t try to find a deeper meaning. Unlike women who will try to manipulate, when men speak up usually you can take it on face value. Try not to question them while they speak – just keep listening and count to ten when he’s finished before asking. Otherwise it’s like taking a train off of track – they don’t get back on it, they’ll just stop talking.
#3 Provide useful information at the right time
If you don’t, he’ll feel stupid for not being perfect, and that’s sad to see. Better help them on that and provide them information that they can act upon. This will allow them to show you how efficient and useful they are and enhance their wellbeing.
#4 Men are not unappreciative
They almost never will thank you for giving them what they need. They just grab it and go back to what they were doing. This is how focused they are. Do not consider it as a lack of appreciation.
#5 Men are natural providers.
That’s what they love to do. If they don’t, try to find out what’s wrong. Nagging, criticizing, complaining won’t teach anything. It will just make them want to do less. Men learn by being asked and then appreciated. Criticism doesn’t have the same effect on women (they’ll stop doing, wearing, saying).
So, I hope these few keys have brought a new light on your relationship to your father, brother, cousin, colleague or husband. Don’t forget that seeing your partner in a new light will create a special and good kind of distance that causes openness. In a work context there will be more easy relations and in the couple life it can restore excitement. And being understanding creates intimacy. Distance and intimacy is a perfect combination for sex. So, my suggestion for the weeks ahead – trust everything will turn out and don’t try to control. Trust him to be the man you fell in love with. Trust and relax. Happy returns of the day!